Broken Open

Yesterday I bought a new book. Which in itself is a thing, since I`m trying to get rid of books, reduce my load of stuff. I got a Kindle to reduce the tonnage of paper I live with all the time. But, y`know, a Kindle in the bathtub, probably not a wise idea. So, I still buy actual paper books.

This one is by Elizabeth Lesser, called Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow. It`s one of those books that`s so exactly what I would want to write, it makes me think, “what am I thinking? What do I have to add to this?”

The point Lesser would make, though, is that the story each of us can tell is our own. As we journey from dark into light, or from apparent light into darkness and back again, we are never alone. No matter how grievous the loss, how excruciating the pain, how foolish I feel, others have trod this same path. The more we share of those experiences where we are only human, the more we recognize ourselves in one another.

She opens many chapters with a quote that sets the tone for that section. One of my favourites is from clown-activist Wavy Gravy: “We`re all bozos on the bus, so we may as well sit back and enjoy the ride.” All of us feel strange and ashamed, “as if there is another bus somewhere, rolling along on a smooth road. Its passengers are all thin, healthy, happy, well-dressed….hold jobs that don`t bore or aggravate them, and never do mean things or goofy things like forget where they parked their car, lose their wallet, or say something totally inappropriate.”

She goes on to say that it “may be the first step to enlightenment to understand with all of your brain cells that the other bus – that sleek bus with the cool people who know where they are going – is also filled with bozos: bozos in drag, bozos with secrets.” We`re all alike, we all make mistakes, and when we feel the most vulnerable, the most stupid, the most hurt, that no-one else could possibly be quite as much a bozo, is when we`re the most human.

Some famous person (I can never remember if it was Leonard Cohen or T.S. Eliot) said that the broken places are where the light gets in.

I`m only partway through reading the book, but I pass it along as a strong recommendation. I`ve laughed out loud, I`ve cried, I`ve nodded in recognition and put the book down for minutes at a stretch as I thought of something in my own life conjured up by one of her stories. It`s already a classic that has earned a place on my shelves.


Quoting from Rob Brezsny`s “Free Will Astrology”

Most people associate innocence with naivete. Conventional wisdom regards it as belonging to children and fools and rookies who lack the sophistication or experience to know the tough truths about life. But the Beauty and Truth Laboratory recognizes a different kind of innocence. It’s based on an understanding that the world is always changing, and therefore deserves to be seen fresh every day. This alternative brand of innocence is fueled by an aggressive determination to empty one’s imagination of all preconceptions.

“Ignorance is not knowing anything and being attracted to the good,” wrote Clarissa Pinkola-Estes in Women Who Run With the Wolves. “Innocence is knowing everything and still being attracted to the good.”
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Book: The Way of Transition

In March, I got a book I enjoyed a lot, The Way of Transition by William Bridges. He said a lot of things I would say about life and changes.

He talks about the difference between change and transition. A person may have changes in their lives but that doesn’t mean they go through a transition. It’s the transition that makes the difference, and if a person is ready, a fairly small change can have a huge effect on them. So there may be lots of changes in a workplace, for example, and none of them bother a person who’s prepared to stay where they are. But for a person who’s ready to undergo a transition, a minor change at work may be enough to make them quit or ask for a raise or get training for a new job. He talks about how people may get divorced, which is a change, but not go through a transition, so they get married again but they haven’t changed at all inside, so the second marriage may end up exactly the same as the first one. Where a person who goes through a transition may stay in the same marriage, but their own internal shifts mean they handle things differently so a marriage that wasn’t working starts to work again. Or a marriage that was working suddenly stops being tolerable, because the person has shifted so much internally. The external change isn’t the catalyst unless the person is ready for change internally.

A transition begins with the ending of something: a marriage, a job, a phase of life. Then there’s a period of confusion or nothingness, of not knowing your way. He calls this “the neutral zone.” And then something new begins. If a person hasn’t gone through the neutral zone, then they haven’t gone through a transition. Transitions always happen in a life, it’s just that we aren’t very good in our society at marking them, and we have no rituals, like rites of passage, to make them formal. We don’t do vision quests or send adolescents out into the wilderness or make everybody wear a clean white shirt to get baptized in or something to mark the event.

He also talks about the difference between a decision and a choice. A decision, he says, is something you research, you get information, you weigh various factors, and you decide if you want this or that or the other. Whereas a choice always comes down to yes or no. Getting married is a choice. Buying a new car is a decision. Decisions are the product of evidence and logic. Choices are an act of will.

At the end of the book, he talks about how it used to be that elders were useful to a society because things didn’t change very fast. Someone who had been around longer had more information about the world than someone younger. But today, information moves so fast, technology changes so fast that a younger person may be more valuable in terms of ability to produce, ability to make decisions, because they only know what they know. They don’t have to unlearn stuff they used to know in order to learn new stuff, as us older folks do. But older people have the wisdom of having lived through many choices, of having gone through transitions, making mistakes, changing course and finding their way, over and over again. They can see their own lives in a broader context and be more philosophical about it. So they have wisdom, not simply knowledge.